Renee Roissier Miller

One definition of milestone according to Webster’s is a significant event in a person’s life. I’m not sure that all of what gives me pause and makes me take notice necessarily qualifies as significant and given the size of my family I guess I have more of these moments than most but I seem acutely aware of them all. Some are nothing more than numerical footnotes. At one hundred days without Renee, I was still thinking I wouldn’t survive the year and my thoughts were focused on how and who would take care of my children. At two hundred days I was thinking I just might make it but do I really want to? Three hundred days found me having serious discussions about my future with a woman who makes me happy and seems to be able to handle the responsibility and baggage of a widower with 9 kids. Unknown to all but anal number-crunchers like me, November 29th was the 1000th day since a sub-human piece of shit stole my wife and my children’s mother from us. Time does indeed march on.

Along the way so many more traditional milestones arrive it seems every other week I have cause to stop and reflect. Yesterday, February 25th was the 27th anniversary of Renee and my wedding and the third one I have been without her. Shortly after Renee’s death, a pragmatic but not so poetic friend said “what really sucks about this is, you two were the only people I knew who really liked being married.” I don’t know about everybody else, but he was right about us, we truly did. Death was the only thing that would do us part, just like the new age preacher said. Renee found him to marry us so many years ago when we learned that the justice of the peace had a waiting list.

The miserable cycle starts over again on March 4th. That will be three years to the day when the hideous, evil, monster who so casually changed our lives forever ended it all for Renee. This year my kids will start celebrating their fourth round of birthdays without their beloved mother. Lots will go unsaid, but there is no forgetting. While I don’t have a lot of time to dwell on the pain, it doesn’t go away. I don’t really think acceptance describes it either, I guess you just survive. Still hard for me to believe one such as Renee could really be gone, but she is. Despite all the tears, I’ve never once said, “why me?” when I think of what happened but I sure as hell say “why her?” a bunch and “why them?” when I think of the pain my children have gone through. There are no answers; all the theologians together can’t answer why such bad things happen to such good people. I’ll never know. Why is the wretch who killed her and the slime who abetted him still alive and her dead? Again, no answers. I do know Renee would want me focusing my time and energy on the living which is what I try to do; the result is I don’t write on here near as often as I should. I remain grateful for my years with Renee and of all her suitors she chose me. Humbled beyond words is how I feel.

For those who still follow this, there are some legal updates forthcoming. Three years into the journey of life without Renee finds some bright spots to balance the pain. Penny has worked her butt off to bring order and joy back into our home and keep us focusing on the here and now rather than remaining mired in the past. If there is an afterlife I can almost picture Renee smiling at the new woman in my world with a twinkle in her eye saying, “I dealt with him for 30 years, now it is your turn.”

So what do you do on the birth anniversary of a deceased loved one, particularly one who died much too soon? It sure as hell isn’t “happy birthday” for those who knew and loved Renee. The overwhelming grief at the loss and the almost pathological rage and hatred at those responsible for stealing Renee isn’t gone, I just deal with it better. Renee would have been 53 today. Fifty out of fifty-three years this was a happy occasion for a lot of people. Now I guess it is just a time for reflection. Remembering the good times mixed with tears over what might have been. The kids aren’t sure how to remember the day either. They want to do something to honor and celebrate their mother, they just aren’t sure what. Penny is going to bake Renee’s favorite cake for them and I guess we will share a quiet toast to some of our fondest memories from birthdays past.

A birthday was always a joyous time for Renee. She embraced each stage of her life with zest and energy, never once wishing she was any age other than the one she was. I was with Renee for all of the so called milestone years starting with 21. She was a Mom for the first time at 30 and loved that role more than any other. Age 40 and mother of four, she was not only coaching but playing soccer and really enjoying her horses. 50 found her the mother of 9 and still exuding the kind of energy and enthusiasm for life people half her age couldn’t match. Renee used to laugh loudly at those who complained they were getting old at thirty and forty. I remember some friend or acquaintance of hers who came over to ride horses several years ago lamenting that at age 33 she was slowing down and wished she were ten years younger. Renee cracked up and said well “I’ll be 50 in a couple of years and I’ve never felt that way.” The girl was shocked thinking Renee was at least 10 years younger than her actual age. I have no doubt she would have continued the same pattern at 60 and beyond.

I can almost picture unborn grandchildren struggling to keep up with her as she joyously sought to share her gift for happiness with the next generation. Very sadly for me, she will never get the chance and the world is much worse off as a result. This day will pass, but it can’t be described as ” happy ” for any of us. I don’t really know what it is. I remember my late mother’s birthday and miss her a lot when her day comes around but the emotions run exponentially higher with Renee. I guess when the deceased is struck down in their prime with so much ahead of them both in time and potential accomplishments it makes remembering much harder for all. I’ve written about Renee before and will no doubt do it again. The words come easy in describing her and they never seem superfluous. Phrases such as “wonderful wife,” “magnificent mother,” “fantastic friend,” may well be an over-the-top, rose colored memory when used to describe some but for Renee, they actually are an understatement.

Almost three years into the journey of life without Renee I continue to be both grateful and humbled she chose me as the one she gave so much of herself to. No it is not a happy day but one it is one to be remembered. 53 years ago a little girl was born who would go on to be a giant to her family and friends. She changed so many lives and all who met her were better for the experience. I often hear people tell me, “I never met anyone like her.” The phrase is so true and they weren’t just talking about the nuances that make each of us different than any other person. They meant she was something REALLY special. She was and she is. On this day and every other, I remember, honor, and love Renee.

-jamie

It’s been a long time since I was able to sit down and add to Renee’s site. Something I am always meaning to do but have a hard time actually doing. It has been a real balancing act, going from living in the past to the present and harder still planning for the future. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of something I want to either share or at least preserve for those who knew and loved Renee and of course for her children as a way of keeping the memories of their magnificent mother alive as time begins to make them fade. Finding the time and energy to write has been elusive. Day to day living takes a lot out of me, though my new relationship has helped tremendously, likely the only reason I am still here at all. I am finally at my keyboard.

Spring used to be my one of my favorite times of the year but has now has turned very somber and painful. Spring usually arrives early in East Tennessee sometimes by late February. Renee and my wedding anniversary is February 25th. She was murdered March 4. Now into our third year without Renee I have come to the conclusion with the possible exception of March 4, Mother’s Day is the hardest day of the year for me. I suspect it is also true for the older children as well. Renee had many talents and special qualities but “Mother” was at the top of the list. I miss my own mother terribly but it doesn’t compare to losing my Renee so young. I can only imagine how hard the day must be on my kids. Lots of things go unsaid but pain and emotion lurk just below the surface. A third maple tree gets planted on our property and we get through the day and weekend as best we can. The new woman in my life does all she can to ease our pain, she is quickly becoming the mother figure not only for my younger children but I believe for the older ones as well. Not right or wrong, just the way it is. Faith is a pretty shaky subject for me these days, but I do allow myself to at least try to believe Renee wants us to carry on in her absence, and appreciates Penny’s and my efforts to try and pick up where she left off.

Jeremy recently graduated high school. Long story, he spent the middle half of his senior year in Delaware and came back to finish out at Greenback. As another example of life going on, his school decided the graduation ceremony had outgrown their gym and they rented a hall at an out of county community college. As fate would have it, this was the same building my sisters secured for Renee’s memorial service. We hadn’t been there before or since we used it to say goodbye to Renee. Being there brought back a ton of memories; the whole drive there was a bit emotional. But the day turned out well. Jeremy was REALLY ready to get out of high school, and while the school enjoyed (for the most part) Jeremy’s time there, I think they were more than ready to say goodbye to him too. When asked how I felt about going back to the venue of such grief, I was happy to truthfully reply; I was doing a whole lot better than the last time I made this trip. Spring is quickly turning into summer, maybe bringing better days for Renee’s loved ones.

I hope this quick update will encourage those interested in Renee and her family to check in periodically. Several kid updates are forthcoming and I have received a few questions mostly on the legal issues and some on the creature’s family and such. I will try and answer these and more in the near future. I remain grateful to those who remember my wonderful Renee. – jamie

Today it’s been 2 years to try to believe yet with the changes in our lives and the shape of the world it must be true. Somehow two years seems worse than the first year. The first for everything was – this time last year she was with us. She was here. She was our life. This year it’s memories of the first time she wasn’t with us. There are no happy memories of how it was with her amazing life force the time before. Now its how it was without her the first time, and how the second time around feels.. well the same only without the sweet memories of a happier time before. Now it’s the look on Jesse’s face as he tried to be brave for the first Mother’s day we can’t give her that comes to mind. It’s how we planted a tree on the year one mark and how empty it was, how unresolved things were and how fucking awful everyone felt. And now a year after the first year mark, everything is still empty, NOTHING is resolved, there isn’t even justice. 23 years in jail and that’s supposed to be justice? No one has agreed with this statement of justice yet.

I don’t know how it is for others, but my mind struggles endlessly with putting the memories in the proper order. I keep going “last year.. wait no, the YEAR before” she was doing this and the world made sense. I try to recall what “this time” last year was happening and more often then not I draw a blank. And upon investigation I find its because the memories are cold frozen images of grief, pain and despair. Of being unable to comfort innocent children in agony of needing their mother and having no answers as to why she is not here with them. It’s the pain that etches new lines into every face that is recalling life before. I remember now why I didn’t want to remember.

On Mom’s Birthday it’s a bittersweet memory. On Mother’s day is a sad but happy memory of the most amazing mother. And the rest of the holidays it’s up and down with the wonderful memories of what was and the sad ones now without. But there is always something to be happy for, to smile in the face of pain for having such memories of those great days, to have been given the times we did have. But today, there is no happy time, no light to recall in the dark and pain. As a realist I believe it is more honest to say this than to “try” to remember all the good days because that is what we do every day. But today there is the dark hole because until March 4th 2009, this day was like any other soon to be spring day. Now it a mark on the calendar of our hearts, the darkest of days, the end of the world as we knew it and sometimes there is nothing to be found in such pain. This is one of those times. To me it ‘s crueler to “try” to smile, to “try” to enjoy things, to “try” and remember the good times; of course I remember the good times! Don’t we all? But to down play, to try to say anything but the truth of what is, is simply too much. Tomorrow I will smile. Tomorrow I will light my happiness candle and feel joy. But today.. today is sadness, today is a grief so great that words cannot be found in the dark trenches of my mind. And by accepting what is somehow gives me peace. By not holding back my dark thoughts, I am given peace to experience tomorrow. I can only hold the space of thought (my version of prayer) that you will do whatever you must to find the same peace in darkness so great.

On the note of peace, I was sent an invite on facebook a while ago (those of you who use it -you may have seen it) that we celebrate a day of peace. And for reasons unrelated (I asked) this person picks March 4th as his day to remind the world to celebrate peace. I don’t know if it will continue or not on the web nor do I really care. I just thought ~ what a message from the grand scheme of things it is, and how I received it was to be at peace with how things really are. And to many of us, this day is truly hell and there is little to smile about. I get through by being at peace with the depth of pain I am in and not forcing myself to be something I am not today.

–joannie

Wow, I can’t believe it’s been over two months since I’ve last written on this website. I get pretty busy with everyday life and time seems to get away from me. The family and I made it through all the holidays and while the sadness and shock of missing Renee is still very much a part of our lives we did better than last year. There have been a great deal of changes these last few months. The biggest and most positive change, while known to a few of you has not been mentioned in this forum before. Several months ago, after many months of talking on the phone, emails and a few visits a very special woman decided to move in with me, share my life and help me raise the kids. This is very fortunate for me because I was really getting tired, lonely, and depressed. She came along at a good time, and has given me some confidence that I may actually live to see my kids reach adulthood. She has helped me find some joy in everyday living that I lost when Renee died.

We knew each other briefly in high school and managed to reconnect after 35 years. Both of us growing up on the eastern shore of Maryland, knowing some of the same people, having similar values and each dealing separately with some of life’s disappointment gave us a good foundation to move rather quickly in the relationship. As we are both in our 50’s, each of us dreading the prospect of going through life alone, a long courtship wasn’t needed. I am humbled she could envision a life with a man having to deal with more baggage than an airport terminal and find happiness in planning a future together. I’ve said before that since Renee was stolen from me, I’ve been a pretty lucky guy and in this instance, very, very lucky.

Many people stepped up to help me, some continue to do so even though almost 2 years have passed, but Penny coming into my life has probably had the most to do with helping me to survive and actually care about the future. Because of her the kids are making some major improvements after many months of setbacks. We have done a lot of work on the house and it has never looked better. I like to believe Renee would be happy that I don’t have to continue on by myself. All my kids have bonded with her and are appreciative of the improvements in everyday living and in me. Penny never met Renee but obviously has heard a lot about her. She has the class and confidence to let me and the kids remember our beloved wife and mother and keep her alive in our hearts as best we can. Probably not an easy situation for her but she handles it well. It is not fair for anyone to have to compete with a ghost and we try not to put her in the position where she feels she has to. Our home has always been dynamic and subject to change and we are not afraid to do things differently and try new approaches. The kids all realize no one or nothing will ever replace Renee but together Penny and I are trying to pick up where she left off. The transition from shattered man and grieving family to making a decision to start living again has been surprisingly smooth. No doubt there will be a few bumps in the road but we are getting better. This website was set up to remember Renee but I wanted to inform those who care about my family of our change in circumstances and to give credit where it is due for any improvements people may notice in me. It has been a long road back, dealing with the cloud of evil brought about by the monster that ended Renee’s life. Penny is entitled to her privacy so her life’s story won’t be written about here. She made a lot of sacrifices to make a life with me and I am grateful.

Joannie has moved to Alaska. I can only surmise as to all of her reasons. I suspect getting as far away from our tragedy as possible was part of her motivation. She also knew her Mom and I spent many years together in Alaska when we were just starting out. Possibly she wanted to experience for herself some of the adventure and excitement the last frontier provided for us. She seems to be doing well, working, making friends and spreading her wings into adulthood. I miss her a lot but understand her need to do things her way.

Jackie has settled in his new college and having a very successful first year as a college wrestler. He had shoulder surgery and missed all of last year so he is really just getting started. He is about 3 hours away and though he is very busy, has been able to make it home a few times each semester.

Jeremy made a big change. He left Greenback School, after 6 years, to finish his senior year in Delaware. The wrestling program fell apart at Greenback and as we have numerous ties to the Delaware / MD area it was a good fit. He has the added benefit of really getting to know and bond with some of his mother’s greatest friends. The photo accompanying this post is of Jeremy being introduced at Sussex Central’s Senior Night escorted by Jana and Mike Pugh. Renee picked well when she befriended Jana so many years ago. The Pughs are providing a good home for Jeremy and I am very grateful for their continuing kindness to our family. Jeremy is looking very good to successfully compete for a state wrestling title in the first state and has been thriving in his new school and community environment.

Jesse is my little man, helping me and Penny hold down the fort. Jason, Joey, Janna, Jerry, and Jax are all physically doing well and starting to make some recovery from one of life’s cruelest blows. We stay busy with various sports and activities.

Some painful memories coming up which I will try and write about in the near future. My 26th wedding anniversary followed almost immediately by the 2nd time marking the occasion when Lucifer came and plunged my family into darkness. No punishment is sufficient for that filthy wretch, I can only hope he is miserable in jail and he doesn’t have to wait too much longer to be rotting in hell where he belongs.

To end on a more upbeat note, I am doing better. I remain grateful to my family and friends for helping me survive. More to follow in the coming weeks.- jamie

The 52nd time this has been known as “Renee’s Birthday” and the second one she is not here to celebrate. A lot has happened in the year since the first time I had to mark this day without her. I mentioned last year, the custom in this country of remembering the life of great people on the anniversary of their birth. To me, our wonderful children, and the rest of our extended family and friends, Renee certainly lived up to the great label. Last year a friend, who is a bit of a history buff, mentioned he included a picture of Renee in his gallery room among those people most admired by him. True giants, past presidents, war heroes and the like. It was very humbling for me and a true tribute to Renee. Her family was grateful for his remembrance. I suppose some on here will get tired of hearing how wonderful Renee was long before I get tired of telling about her. I know every family has its own heroes, people held in the highest esteem by those related to them but even after almost 2 years have passed since she was stolen, I find myself marveling at how Renee lived her life. Bigger than life, and everyone who came into contact with her was better for the experience. No words can describe how much she is missed by so many people. How many of the rest of us mortals will touch so many?

Once I start writing about Renee, I almost have to force myself to stop. To steal a metaphor from the animal kingdom, Renee was “Secretariat.” Fast, sleek, beautiful, and at least for her time period, without equal. Remembered by all as something really special. I remain grateful and humbled Renee chose to spend so much of her time on earth with me. I can’t really do justice to Renee, even if I wrote ten thousand words. So on this, the 52nd anniversary of her birth I will choose a single word to reflect upon her too short life. MAGNIFICENT! She was and she is.

Renee really felt all life was connected. Not in the traditional religious sense and not quite new age, just her own unique philosophy. She was on an e-mailing list titled “notes from the universe” and it sends daily messages. The “universe” writer had some ideas in common with Renee and she would glean a point or two from this perspective. It still comes almost daily with some type of motivational comments, most of which I discard. The “universe” claims to know all but somehow missed the fact; Renee is no longer with us. But occasionally there is something inspiring. The text below was sent out on Renee’s birthday. Oh, I know everyone on this list no doubt gets something like this on their birthday, and like a horoscope or Hallmark card, you can make this stuff fit if you have a mind to but this did seem tailored for Renee. I changed the tense of some words to reflect Renee is no longer with us, but otherwise it was written by the “universe.” From the universe:

“52 years back, not so long ago, heaven and earth erupted into a major celebration with the news of your impending adventure into this very time and space. You see, someone like Renee Miller doesn’t come along all that often. In fact, there’s never been a single one like you, nor is there ever ANY possibility that another will come again. You were an Angel among us. Someone, whose eyes saw what no others will EVER see, whose ears heard what no others will EVER hear, and whose perspective and feelings will NEVER, ever be duplicated. Without YOU, the Universe, and ALL THAT IS, has become be sadly less than it was.

Quite simply:

You were the kind of person, Renee,
Who’s hard to forget,
A one-in-a-million
To the people you’ve met.
Your friends were as varied
As the places you went,
And they all wanted to tell you
In case you didn’t know:
That you made a big difference
In the lives that you touched,
By taking so little
And giving so much!

Renee, you were so AWESOME! For your birthday, friends and angels from every corner of the Universe, including buddies you didn’t know you had, will remember you always.”

On your BIRTHDAY, Renee, and every day, you are loved and missed.

Thanks again to those who care. -jamie

So this is how the case ends? Not with a bang or even a whimper just another river of tears by the victim’s grieving family and friends as one filthy murderer gets sent to prison. Justice? Not hardly. An insolent, unrepentant, subhuman piece of shit gets to avoid trial and a minimum sentence of 51 years [if convicted of the first degree murder he so casually committed] by agreeing to serve 25 years and pleading guilty to a second-degree murder charge. He has to serve the entire sentence less the time he spent stinking up the county jail he’s called home for the last 19 months. This wasn’t my decision and I am not at all happy about it. A jury never gets to hear how this monster stole the murder weapon from his uncle. How he then burned down the uncle’s home in an attempt to cover up his crimes. The public won’t hear about how he planned to do this, his bragging to his equally sick bastard accomplice about his desire and willingness to kill. His family, who have acted as though his crime was of the youthful shoplifting variety, won’t have their friends and neighbors hear the truth about the monster they raised and have tried desperately to keep out of jail. The true story of how the murderer and his accomplice, after disposing of the body, spent the afternoon driving from bank to bank trying to cash Renee’s checks. The jury will never get to know the details about how Renee was shot in the head and heart, and then left in the woods for insects or varmints. They won’t hear how Renee’s purse, phone and other property along with the murderer’s blood and brain spattered clothes were burned on the porch of the murderer’s friend and accomplice – who now claims he had no idea a crime had been committed! Interviews and taped conversation in which the murderer made clear Renee’s death and its effect on her family meant nothing to him will not be publicized.

Nothing about this case’s conclusion feels right or makes sense. Oh, I concede there was a value to my family in avoiding a lengthy trial. I’m not sure my kids really needed to see photos of what the gunshots did to their once beautiful mother. Listening to the various and ever changing confessions on video tape concocted by a sick moron trying to excuse his slaughter of Renee would have been very hard on her children, too. But was avoiding all this really worth the possibility of a sociopathic monster being allowed to re-enter society before his 45th birthday? I think not. He killed my Renee way too easily and for nothing. Anyone thinking he would have any qualms about killing again is an idiot. The death penalty was well-deserved and appropriate in this case but given society’s reluctance to administer it to an animal so young the rest of his wretched life should have been spent in prison. I’m left hoping that despite the state’s failure to insure he never gets out of prison; I catch a break and for whatever reason he doesn’t survive his sentence. Hopefully, he will get to enjoy everything a maximum security penitentiary has to offer and his new roommates get a chance to shower him with affection before he cashes in.

Several well meaning people have expressed hope that seeing the creature carted off for at least 25 years would bring some type of “closure” for us. I’m not sure there is such a thing, if there is I sure haven’t experienced it. Renee’s sisters and Mother came down for the trial looking for some type of closure but I doubt they found any either. The whole plea bargain hearing took about a half hour. We got to hear the charges and a condensed version of the various confessions, all of which contained only two elements of truth, he killed her and where he dumped her. Everything else was lies trying to rationalize his actions. Victim impact statements meant to be heard in open court went unread, no chance to influence a judge or jury as the outcome had already been decided. The state and the guilty party’s lawyers had agreed days before to the 25 year sentence. Everything else was just a formality waiting for the judge to rubber stamp it. The judge was expedient and did not even admonish the gum-chomping piece of shit in front of him about the damage caused by his total disregard for human life. The whole experience was anti-climatic to say the least and I am left with a nagging belief Renee deserved much more. No, there was no closure, not for me, not ever. I watched Renee’s Mother wandering around our house and property like I’ve done many times since she was stolen from us. She seemed to be not really in the present, just numb and wondering how in the hell something like this could have happened? Closure? I doubt it.

It has been a really busy and stressful couple of months since I last wrote. For those who are interested I am going to try and update the school year starting, various sports, how the kids are doing and some future plans I have. Life can still be a struggle, just as the kids start to become a bit numb to their loss things like the hearing or various newspaper articles come along to remind them of just how much we’ve lost and we take a few backward steps. I am very proud of how my children are coping with the worst tragedy imaginable and credit their late mother with providing them their strength and will to survive.

Thanks again to all who care-
jamie

No Time Off for Good Behavior

An Etowah man accused of the first-degree murder of a Madisonville woman a year-and-a-half ago entered a criminal court plea to second-degree murder on Monday and was sentenced to 25 years in prison.

Kenneth Erick Waldrop, now 21 years old, of McMinn County agreed to the quarter century sentence at 100 percent duration, meaning he will have to serve the entire length without any chance at parole.

An accomplice, Jonathan Michael Brown, who is charged on four counts – first degree murder, accessory after the fact, tampering with evidence, and criminal responsibility for another – was not heard in Monroe County Criminal Court but was scheduled to return to the courtroom on November 15.

Prosecuting Assistant District Attorney Andrew Freiberg call the sentence “a good resolution.” “I just hope that we were able to supply the victim’s family with a small measure of peace and justice,” Freiberg told the BUZZ.

Waldrop will get pretrial jail credit for the approximately 18 months he had been held in custody from March 4, 2009 to September 20, 2010.

Waldrop was 20 and described as an acquaintance of Renee Rossier Miller, 50, of Campground Road who was shot to death by Waldrop after a series of physical assaults, according to the murder warrant by Monroe County Sheriff’s Captain Detective Michael Morgan.

“Defendant did abandon and conceal the vehicle with the deceased and a shell casing inside the vehicle in McMinn County,” Morgan said shortly after the incident. Waldrop and Brown allegedly took Miller’s body to a remote are off Mecca Pike and hid it, though later Waldrop led Morgan and other officials to the site.

Morgan was assisted in the investigation by Loudon County Sheriff’s Detective Jeff Vittatoe who initially raised the concern for Miller when an out-of-town family member asked Vittatoe to a make a welfare check since he, the family member, could not get in touch with her.

Waldrop was then identified as the last person with Miller. The firearm used in her murder was also recovered.

Brown was arrested in November 2009 and charged by Sheriff’s Detective DW Brannon with accessory after the fact after he was determined as having driven Waldrop to various locations in March 2009 as Waldrop tried to cash a check on Miller’s account.

Both men were reindicted in February 2010 – Waldrop with first-degree murder and Brown with three new counts – in order to consolidate their separate cases and make Brown a co-defendant in Waldrop’s case. The new indictment said Brown knew Waldrop intended to commit murder and concealed personal belongings of Miller with the intent to impair the sheriff’s department’s investigation of Miller’s homicide.

An estimated two dozen family members of Miller were in court Tuesday when Waldrop entered his guilty plea. Freiberg, Morgan and others wore black suits and red ties as a show of support for the Miller family. “Everyone to a person, Vittatoe, Doug (Brannon), all of us, worked very hard on this case,” Morgan said. “And we commend the prosecutors for obtaining the verdict. We are pleased with the outcome.

________________________________________________________________

the entire article above is quoted from The Monroe County BUZZ, Tuesday, September 21, 2010

a shorter article is also online in today’s Advocate and Democrat, click here.

[Note: the link to the NY Times site is now fixed. Give it a try.]

I came across an article about dealing with someone else’s crises in a recent edition of the NY times [to read the full essay click here. The author’s observations echo much of my experience and I suspect the majority of people suffering tragedy will relate as well. Sometimes the grief, misfortune and pain of others, particularly those who are close to you, can be so overwhelming it becomes easier to try and ignore it all together. “I don’t know what to say” often leads to saying nothing or maybe worse, superficial chit chat with no acknowledgement of the life change, and the expectation that a friend or family member suffering the pain will engage in the same manner as before their loss. A vicious cycle starts when the calls are put off with the more time passing making it harder and harder to pick up the phone or stop by. Funerals are usually well attended, safety in numbers may be a big part of it, but the crowd thins quickly afterwards. Most of the promises, likely made with the best intentions will go unfilled. Everyone is busy these days and of course a lot of folks are caught up in various crisis of their own but the paralysis of some when they are needed the most is an extremely common condition. I am no doubt guilty of some of the same responses or lack thereof which I’ve witnessed following the loss of my Renee. The people who either through experience or intuition and not only knew what to do to help, but actually take the time to do it are truly inspirational. I am happy to say I probably had more than my share of those folks following my world crashing. As I attempt to rebuild my life and try to figure out how I am going to live the rest of my days, I hope some of those who supported me silently or otherwise didn’t know what to say or do will feel free to call, stop by, write etc. I will never be the same but I hope that I will one day soon be decent company and capable of friendly conversation. I remain deeply grateful to all of our family and friends who have tried to help us in any way. -jamie

Why did he kill Renee?

That is a really good question. It is one I have asked myself a million times. I doubt we will every really know. Local law enforcement types have described this as the closest thing to a “thrill killing” this area has seen in decades, if not ever. But I suppose he did have some reason, because he killed her. He thought about it. He planned it. And then he did it. He was clumsy in his attempts to cover it up because he believed that he would get away with it. He truly never thought he would be caught and I believe it an absolute certainty he would have killed again, given the chance. Back to his reasons, first of all his reasons aren’t going to make any sense to most of us because we are human. He is not. He is a psychopathic, amoral, heartless, soulless, and gutless piece of shit. No sane person will ever find an understandable reason for his execution of Renee. I guess the fact that he knew Renee suspected him to be a liar and petty thief was enough.

Was he on drugs?

No, I don’t believe so. I never saw any evidence he ever used drugs and as far as I knew he was only a moderate drinker. Like the above question most are still looking maybe even hoping they can come up with something to make sense out of this tragedy. I don’ t think it will come. For those needing an answer, I think you can rule out drugs. Wasn’t a factor. Believe me I’ve given this a lot of thought, forget motives and consider this – just plain pure evil. Hideous, unspeakable evil. If you can acknowledge that evil exists ask yourself, what it would look like. Does it shout evil? Look like the pictures of Satan or the devil in the kid’s religious primer? Or could it be more subtle? I know what it looks like now. Before I knew, evil was something I rarely thought about. Oh, I read the papers and knew there were monsters out there doing terrible things, often to good people, but it was pretty removed. Maybe always there but never really affecting me or my family. It was just a harmless looking snake in the grass but now the evil has a face. Check out the murderer’s mugshot. Lucifer is alive and well. Raised in Etowah, Tennessee, though now residing in a county jail.

If he does not get the death penalty, then what?

The real key to getting some type of justice for Renee is a finding of first degree or capitol murder. My understanding is if one is found guilty of first degree murder in TN there are only 3 possible sentences. One is death. The others are life with NO possibility of parole, meaning you die in jail and the most lenient is 51 years served before being eligible for parole. In this case, the death penalty is off the table so this POS is looking at either dying in jail or getting out in 50 years, if convicted of the current charges.

-jamie