Renee Roissier Miller

Did getting the children back to school go well?

Actually, back-to-school for the kids really didn’t go very smoothly at all. Renee used to make a big deal out of taking the kids shopping for school clothes and other supplies. Joannie and I took the kids out and attempted to have some sense of excitement around the task of getting outfitted and the upcoming school year but it turned out to be much harder than we anticipated. Mom’s absence was very much felt by all. The actual first day of school was a real heart-breaker too. One of the kids was almost catatonic, at first I thought he was playing a game so I got him dressed and downstairs and sat him at the table while I fixed breakfast. I saw him staring off and heard him repeat over and over “Eric Waldrop knew my family and killed my mommy anyway… Eric Waldrop knew my family and killed my mommy anyway…” These types of days are really rough. The anger and sadness I feel as I type this will likely be part of me the rest of my life.

We are now well into the school year, I think the routine of getting up and going to school probably helps give the kids a sense of order. Sadly, though, there has been major regression in the children’s behavior and classroom performance. I don’t want to depress those who are following my family but this is the reality.

Are you a good cook?

I am laughing at this one! It really depends on who you ask but my quick answer is, I am passable. Jesse and Joannie are much better cooks than I am but I do manage. I am always on my own for the children’s breakfast and rotate such things as French toast, bacon and eggs, oatmeal, a variety of omelettes to go along with the old standby and cop out, cold cereal. We tend to do a lot of grilling and BBQing when the weather is good. Nothing approaching gourmet cooking here but nobody goes hungry either.

What’s new at Mapleshade?

[If you didn’t know, Renee named our house and property “Mapleshade Farm.” Many things related to our home are addressed to Mapleshade Farm.] We finished the last piece of the addition work. It involved burying all the electrical lines and transformers that were strung between poles and removing the poles. What a difference! It really makes the entire property look better. This was something Renee had really wanted done and she had it all planned and paid for before she was killed. It is bittersweet to finally get it done just the way she wanted without her having a chance to enjoy it. Still I am glad it is all complete, I do take some satisfaction in seeing her plans and ideas come to life. It gives me a small sense of renewal and moving forward with life.

I think of you often but I don’t know what to say…

There are no magic words. This has really affected a lot of people in ways most can’t even imagine. Even friends who lead lives where death is a common occurrence, such as doctors, policemen and clergy members are struggling with this one. In a nutshell, nobody really knows what to say. Those who know me would likely agree, I am rarely at a loss for words but I don’t have a clue what I would have said to one of you if this situation had been reversed. I guess the best advice I could give would be to say something. Don’t be afraid to mention Renee, there is no chance of my ever forgetting her, no chance of anything you say opening up old wounds because it is now part of my life and I deal with it.

While it is true there are no “right” words, I have come to know that there a few “wrong” words, at least for us. My family and I really don’t need to hear “this is all part of God’s plan”, or “don’t worry, it will be alright, God doesn’t make mistakes”, or “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” … etc. Supposedly well-meaning people have said all this and more to me and my kids. Regardless of your beliefs, I can tell you that this doesn’t help us. I don’t believe this was part of any plan by God or any other higher power nor do I believe Renee had to die or that any good will come about as a result of her horrific death. The mention that “God wouldn’t give anyone more than they could handle” really is a poorly thought out idea. People blow their brains out all the time so somebody has more than they can handle. It’s probably best to just say that you’re sorry and/or tell us something that you remember about Renee.

If you want to keep in touch, drop an email, leave a comment or pick up the phone. The words will come and once you do it the first time it will get easier. I do my best not to be the “dial-a-downer” but the fact is some days are pretty tough. Please don’t take it personally or take offense if you catch me on one of those days and I don’t laugh at a joke or seem very interested in politics or current events. I do look forward to hearing from you and I know my sisters appreciate feedback and thoughts on this website.

That’s it for this edition. be well, -jamie